Let’s get this party started.

Well, I think it’s about time to get this party started.

It is time that I stop being scared to write my feeling. It is time to stop being afraid to let the painful parts out so that I can heal. I don’t really have anyone to really talk to about it so THIS, HERE, is my outlet. I would normally talk to my best friend about this, but this is about one of my best friends and I don’t get to talk to him anymore.

I’ve had a friend. For a long time. We met at work and immediately enjoyed each other’s company. But, as I am a girl and he’s a boy, I guess it’s just natural that we are supposed to date. There was an attraction, but I think we enjoyed each others company more. We dated on and off for 3 years. Why on again and off again for so long? Because we were never good for each other as a couple but we were best friends. He didn’t want to date me but didn’t want to see me date anyone else. I think it was really because he was afraid I’d leave and we’d never be friends again. I let it happen because I love his family so much and I really like his group of friends. I was afraid that I’d lose them. Neither happened, really, for a while.

After 3 years, I finally was done and I got married to a different best friend. One whom I’ve know since I was 15 and was a high school sweet heart for a little bit. The Captain is not a fan of H. But it’s mostly he doesn’t want to get to know him. He has never seemed to mind that we stayed friends. Especially since H took my dog that hated The Captain. A decision he made me make while I was pregnant by the way…

Anyway, I have stood by H through his dating issues. I’ve called him out on his stupid guy issues while dating. I’ve been able to count on him for lunch or a movie or just to hang out. We’ve always been there for each other and it was nice to be able to talk about anything and have our sense of humor to just have a good time.

Then he met T and things got weird. I know. I’m the Ex. Why would he be friends with his ex? I don’t know if he’s just never been able to explain our relationship or if she is just insecure or just doesn’t care. For a while, we met, she really cute and funny and absolutely perfect for him. I liked her instantly. He didn’t really talk about her which I respect. But when he did, he was going through some things trying to deal with dating her. I tried to be supportive. I was there for him. I told him that I would always be there for him because that’s what friends do.

I was even invited to their engagement party. It was a blast. T and I got to talk quite a bit and I thought that things had worked themselves out.

Apparently not.

They got married in December and it got to where I stopped hearing from him in November. I was a little bugged but whatever, he’s newly married and he’s got a lot to do.

They invited me to their reception in April. He then called me to let me know that I am not T’s biggest fan.

Nice. Why and where did that come from? He wouldn’t tell me why or anything, just that we can’t talk or text or hang out anymore.

HE’S GOT MY DOG DAMMIT!!

I haven’t seen the dog I had to give up, and still love dearly, in a very long time.

I haven’t seen one of my best friends and have him BE my best friend in a very long time.

I’m grieving.

I’m pissed.

It’s just like when we were dating and it was on again off again and I had to deal with the rejection.

I’ve been rejected by my best friend.

Nice.

Bastard.

And I get it. She doesn’t like me. I respect that he has to do what he has to do to make his marriage work. I understand that. I get that. But why were we fine one day and not fine the next?

I’M NOT A FUCKING THREAT!!

Does she not see that?! I am so happy in my life. I just want more people in my life and I really enjoyed her and wanted her to be part of it. I just want my friend back.

So. The reception. He called to tell me she doesn’t like me but told me he expected me at the reception so I told him I’d go.

That wasn’t awkward at all. *sarcasm is dripping*

All of his friends and family were there whom I love dearly. I was able to see everyone and hug everyone and just visit. It was such a great night for me.

The bride and groom had left so I wasn’t able to hit them directly, but when I did see them, well, I wanted to say congrats first thing.

T was talking to someone and I came up, she gave me a sidelong glance and turned her back to me.

It took her a good 5 minutes before she could even look at me and even then, well, I don’t want my friend to ever get that look from his wife. Especially on my account.

She was pleasant enough but seriously, she had to work up to that. And that’s just sad.

I got the mandatory hug and then barely a word. I get it. Who wants a fight on a happy day?

So, I decided to end things totally. I didn’t want to be friends with them on facebook and see what was going on, especially if I can’t feel comfortable commenting. I let them know as much and let them know I wouldn’t be texting or calling except on birthdays.

I’m so mad at him and so sad that I’ve lost my friend. One who understands my quirks and doesn’t have to like me because he’s my husband but likes me in spite of it. I feel lied to. He told me nothing would ever lose our friendship and now he’s gone.

I’d like to think that I’m the bigger person by backing off completely since neither of them have the balls to say whats really going on. She can’t even tell me how she feels. I’d respect her more for that and feel ok letting my friend go. He can’t even let me know what is really going on. Now, I just feel like I’ve been dumped by a friend for no good reason like back in high school.

I’m sad and I pity myself because I still like them both and at any moment would go back to the friendship and not even blink an eye.

I’m lame.

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